NEWS - Like the son of the hero of Chappaquiddick

So I'm on my way home last night at 3 AM, and I'm a little dizzy because I took the wrong blood pressure medicine, and wouldn't you know it, I slam my car into a security barrier--right in front of two patrol cars. The patrolmen come right over to see how I'm doing--or something. So, I recall what just happened to Congressman Tippler, and that one of the founding principles of this country is equal protection under the law. (That whole thing about "...all men are created equal." Alright--I know that Article I, Section 6 of the Constitution protects Congressmen from arrest on the way to votes--but Kennedy wasn't really on the way to a vote, so that doesn't count.) Wouldn't you know it, when I told the patrolmen I was on my way to vote, the sheriff himself came out, and he drove me home! And I wasn't even planning to vote for him!

Let me tell you--it was a good thing too. See, I'd have had to find a new lawyer if they'd have run me in for D.U.I.--my regular lawyer is still in the hospital from when I shot him on our quail hunt. You know, though, the sheriff was very accommodating to me on that whole mess, also--I'm beginning to feel sorry I called him corrupt.

What's more, if you believed all that, then I've got to tell you--I think the tolls I've been collecting from the Brooklyn Bridge have made me part of the politically-connected, idle rich. I'd like to cut you a good deal on it.